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Friday, July 1, 2011

FULL Circle- A years worth of learning shit

It's been a full year now. Since my life took on some major changes (detours).

A year ago, alot shit load happened.
- I cheated,on the sportsman;
-I started Exercising, obsessively;
-I made alot of new friends, in the blog world and on FB.

- I quit going to church;
-Took naked photos of myself and shared them with others;

When I take a look back now at how much my life has changed in just over a year ago, I can't hardly fucking believe it.

At the time my family (my mother and kids) swore I was going thru a mid-life crisis.
(Which I was not)

But because of my crazy self absorbed behavior(hitting the bars with friends, working out, tanning alot, always out "shopping") I can totally see where they would think that.

I know I said before I blammed FB (orignally) for the initial problems.
But, hers the big BUT that wasn't the real problem. We all know that.

So, I heard someone say the other day on the radio I think, that you can't blame FB for the destruction of a marriage/relationship.

Your marriage/relationship was already in trouble prior to starting up FB.

I truly fucking believe that.

I believe if you are struggling in your relationship, getting on FB will only make matters worse.

Just my opinion.

of course.

but thats not what I wanted to talk about today. I wanted to share the ways my life has changed in a year.

The biggest reason for my s p i r l out of control, is I was not happy. In my marriage, and in my life. You know how it is. Shit, almost everyone has been there at some point in there lives 

I was anxious that I was going to die, sooner than later.

My sex life was/is lacking. My sex drive is higher than most women and it has caused some problems.

It doesnt help that I have men hitting on me or making offers all the time.

Hello, STOP please I can't take it.
I have NO will power when it comes to sexy men.

So I made a concious effort(yes, concious cause I knew exactly what the fuck I was doing, and I did it anyways) in running out of control. Not thinking or caring who I hurt in the process.

Yes, that is a fucked up thing to do.
I most definately have learned alot along the way. Over this last year.

I've made alot of mistakes. As we all do.
and I can't say that I am 100% better or happier in my life than I was before.


I can say that I learned some shit.
That won't be repeated.
I don't have a bad life. I actually have it pretty good.

My problem is I keep thinking there is something better out there or that I should be happier than I am.

I hear people say all the time that they just can't catch a break.

Well I feel like "those" are the kinda people that always expect good things to fall into their lap, and when they don't they place the blame on everyone/everything else for their misfortune.

I don't believe that is how things are. I believe you make your own luck.

Own it, if you fuck up. Don't place blame or make excuses.

Happiness truly comes from within.

and thats where I am trying to get.
it seems like a long journey but I have faith that eventually I will get there.
Hopefully with the sportsman and my family intact.

SO heres to PEACE from within.

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