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Friday, January 21, 2011

Am I a Magnet for ..............

Am I a magnet for pain and suffering?
I wonder sometimes.
Why is it that "it" always finds me. I never look for it.
I'm kinda scared about being back out in the dating scene again. That it will open me up to get hurt again.
Am I just too nice? Am I too trusting?

What the fuck!
How do you deal with it?
Do have only flings?
Do share your fears up front?
Do you just shut down?
Enjoy the time alone.
Do you just pretend that it has never happend to you?
Buck up little camper attitude.
Is it possible to eventually allow someone back into my heart?
After all the torture I have endured from past encounters. Even the most recently.
I don't look for it.
Do I trust too much? Since I believe in what someone tells me whole heartedly.
Does that make me dumb? Gullable? A Sucker?
Do men see me coming and think that I'm an easy target?
I am a strong person, don't get me wrong. I am very driven.
But sometimes a heart can only take so much before it just shuts down.
Does this make me defective?
I'm worried that being back out there in the market so to speak that I will get my heart broken.
Is that a bad outlook to have? I'm not even there and already I am worrying.

There is a good reason for my fear.

In case you have never experienced “it”, having your heart broken, let me share with you just what it feels like.
 A broken heart feels like someone has reached inside your chest and ripped it out.  
 It's very  extremely fucking painfull. 
and who the hell wants to experience that.
More than once.
In the end you are left with the feeling of what the fuck did I do wrong? 
What mistake did I make this time?
Don't I deserve to be happy ? is it safer to not experince love, for fear of the heart break.

Should I put myself back out there? Or should I just stop trusting everyone and protect my heart?
I don't want to grow old by myself.
How do you deal with the hurt inflicted by another? Intentional or not.

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