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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Louisville Slugger and the Black Snake

Let me just tell YOU what a badass I really am and what a bunch of wimpy men I have living in my house.

Let me first remind you that I have 3 very small itty bitty tiny dogs.

So last week, I put the wiener dog outside.

The neighbor dogs were barking like complete jackasses at the freakin fence.

No big deal they arent the brightest bulbs.

I just assumed that there was a frog or something over there. We frequently have large frogs in the yard that piss off the dogs.

So I thought nothing of it when the dogs were going ballistic about something at the fence line.

I might also add that the neighbor dogs run a close 2nd on intelligence to my daughters dog “Moog”.

So the soccerboy comes running inside yelling there is a huge black snake out there. We need to get the wiener dog in.

We do not need any big black snakes eating my little doggie.

Let me back it up here for a moment. Did I mention that the sportsman was home, soccerboy was there, and my daughters finance was there.

THREE men at home all at the same time.

So I ran out back with a old louisville slugger bat(that we keep at the back door) and grab the wiener dog and hand him off to the soccerboy.

I ran over to the fence.
Swing and a miss.
Boy this fucker was huge alright and long. I don’t know if I can do this all by myself.

My first thought was to get it away from the fence so the other two idot dogs won’t get hurt.

However, every time I poked the bat at the snake it kept charging at me. WTF!

Which at this point was really pissing me off!!!!

I can’t really tell you just how many times I swung the bat and connected with this damn snake but it was a lot.

Finally I got it cornered under one of my elephant ear plants (which now looks like total hell) and I beat the crap out of this snake. My intentions were to grab it and throw it in another area or in the creek but since it kept charging at me that wasn’t going to happen.

So finally when the snake was incapacitated, I looked over and the soccerboy was standing there inside the house at the back door watching the whole freakin time.

So I motion for him to come out, as I have this damn snake hanging in the air by his tail. I instructed him to go get the damn sportsman and a plastic sack.

I am glad to say that no one caught me on video , cause the whole time I was out in the back yard beating the shit out of the snake I was in my undies and a tiny see thru t-shirt with no bra on.

Not something you want caught on video.
Animal cruelty and me half naked.
Bad combo.

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