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Friday, May 28, 2010

The "D" Word

Today, I am going to be talking about
D I V O R C E.
This ring is a symbol of what?
What the Hell!

What is it r e a l l y a symbol of? I can honestly say that having a ring does NOT define my relationship with the sportsman. It is just a piece of jewelry to me.

I won't be getting into "Vows" today. Since currently I just don't give a shit.

I have recently read some other blogs where ppl are single and looking for love/relationship. What I’m talking about here only refers to ME.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t go out and find someone. I’m just thinking this whole permanent relationship thing might not be for ME.

So I have been thinking about this/my future for some time now. Divorcing my sportsman. This is a very difficult subject for me to write about.  Although for the most part I put it ALL out there when I write.

My reasons for considering this has nothing to do with any outside influence. It’s all about the Sportsman.

These reasons are not the typical ones that people would normally get divorced for. They are not because of infidelity, money, and/or lying. I suppose that could be seen as a positive thing and that it should have some bearing on my decision.

I have even done a freakin list of good vs bad. I have seriously tried to be reasonable in my thoughts.
But some things just fucking piss me off.

So here is the list of what has bothered me enough to even consider getting a divorce.

1. He has a cell phone, but he never fucking turns it on, or carries it with him.
This is a problem why? Hello I have a health condition; I need to be able to get a hold of him at all times. Just so you know I never call him. but the few times I do need to get ahold of him he doesn't freakin answer.

2. He refuses to go to the doctor for his snoring.
While this is # 1 a health issue that he refuses to seek treatment for, but #2 it also in my opinion has caused a gap between us in our relationship since we do not sleep in the same bed.

3. He needs to loose weight.
 Also another health issue. I don’t get it how men can go to the gym all the time and still be thick(pot belly) in the middle? What the heck!

I know your thinking that seems petty, but its not. Its about his fucking health. 

4. He has this tone in his voice that he uses with me, like no matter what I want to discuss I am totally annoying him.

5. He is a very passive/mellow man, so that means I have to be the “man” of the family 90% of the time. Who the hell has the time. To do it all.

So I know your probably thinking that these are pretty fucking lame excuses.

In my defense............................

How many times can you discuss something and not see a change and be ok with it?
5 times? 15 times? 100 times?
I have talked to him about every single one of these, and if he had made any attempt to rectify them I might not be considering this.

I want my man to step up, in times when necessary. Why is it that men have the balls but never seem to use them? (my opinion is not just based on the sportsmans behavior). I'm thinking I have bigger balls than most men I know.
What the fuck???

I am not here to bash the sportsman, or men in general. But………………………Until I change my mind I currently see them (MEN) good for only one thing and that is to fuck.

I get it that not all men are like this, but I can say that most of the men I have come in contact with are.

Roles reversal? Maybe

I am beginning to wonder If I am just one of those ppl who doesn’t belong in a relationship. I am after all a free spirit.

It’s no big secret I have been married two times before. Both only made it to 5 years. This time around I have been with the sportsman 12 years. We have been married 9 of those years.

I feel as if life is sooooo short and even shorter for some. So why should I stay in a relationship where It’s obvious I am not happy. Is it even possible for me to be happy? Maybe I have a mental illness and I should be locked up? Maybe I just belong a l o n e?
Maybe I just keep settling.

I suppose this is

To be continued……………

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