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Saturday, March 27, 2010

I am the MACHINE

Do you ever feel as if you just go , go, go. Not really thinking anymore. Just flying on auto-pilot cause this is your life? When is it   your/my   time to do what we would like to do? After the kids move out? Go to college?

I’m not saying having kids isn’t a kick ass time. I love my kids more than anything. But I think at some point I have lost track of who I am. (I blame it on being a young mom) I know that has had its pros and cons.

Even with older kids, I am still the one picking up after everyone, ironing their clothes, and fixing their meals (breakfast, lunch, and dinner). At what freakin age should you be able to iron your own  damn clothes? Am I too soft?

I do take responsibility, that it’s partly my fault for letting things get this far. I love my kids. I so want them to be happy. It's just you have to learn to put your foot down when that time comes for them to start taking responsibility for their own life. Not try to change them 10 years later.

The other part of the problem is that I am a control freak. I have a hard time letting go of things and allowing others to jump in and help out.

Up until recently my kids have never even done chores. My son will do chores now, but only if I pay him. My sportsman thinks that they are spoiled. That I allow them to have it “too” easy. He thinks I am making it harder for them. That later when they are out on their own in the real world they won't know what to do.

I disagree. I am not one of those tough love kinda moms.  I am a ALL love kinda mom. I am not a push over, but I also don’t ride their ass about things. I am somewhere in the middle. I’m certainly not saying I havent made mistakes. I was a young mom remember. What the hell do you or anyone know at  21??? I did they best I could.

I know I complain a lot about not having any “Me time or when will it be time for just my sportsman and I. It's just a natural response.

Honestly, I’m torn. I read other ppl’s blogs that still have little kids and sometimes it makes me sad. As much as I want them to grow up and be out there in the big world, for my own selfish reasons I also want them to stay young forever, to want to stay home and snuggle with me in bed and watch tv.

It’s just how long can one person keep going
 before the energy just runs out?
 I don't want to die before
I get the chance to "Live" again.

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