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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Many roads traveled


Some of my best memories are from when I was young. Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time. At the very least, I wish that my family was closer and had spent more time taking trips together. I feel like we have run out of time for that.

One of my best memories is seeing the northern lights; we lived in Cody Wyoming at the time. If you have never seen them, you’re missing out. They are the most amazing thing ever. Even when you see them, you still can’t believe that what you’re seeing is for real.

I remember my family took lots of vacations. Really more like road trips, cause we didn’t really go to any of the cool places you always saw on T.V., you know the ones where you stay in this luxurious hotel or at those resorts where you stay right on the beach. None the less they were still family trips. I never questioned my parents about money or how could we afford them, because what kid in grade school worries about such things.

We traveled all over the western part of the United States. For the most part we camped out. On occasion we would stay in the good ole Motel 6. My memory isn’t the best but I think we did the most traveling when we lived in Missouri. We did live in Wyoming for awhile. Nothing like having 3 sides of your house be mountains. That part as a kid I remember being a little bit boring.

I can honestly say as a child we were privileged. We weren’t rich but I don’t remember us going without either, at least that I can remember. I know that no matter where we went I always felt safe and I never worried about anything.

Well except for the one time, I remember we were on the road going somewhere and it was night time, everyone was asleep, and my dad didn’t stop at the last rest stop thinking he could make it to the next one, I’m not sure where the mis calculation came in but I remember a small amount of panic that we wouldn’t make it to the next rest stop. I’m sure some of the “freak out” was due to, the many horror flicks I had watched.

I remember another time, we took a trip to Mt. Rushmore. We got all the way there and went to get the suit cases out of the back of the “station wagon” and to our surprise they weren’t there. Guess where they were? They were still at home sitting right where we left them. It was a very funny moment, no one got mad, there was no yelling we just went to the closest “kmart” and bought the essentials we needed for the weekend.

I also remember those games we would play in the car to pass the time. Do you remember any of those? The license plate game, the clouds game, and the VW bug game. I’m sure there are many more, but I just can’t remember them right now.

I’m not saying that we got along all the time, I know there were moments where we argued over who was on whose side of the seat, but I do remember being happy.

I also know on more than one occasion, we woke up with lizards and/or other animals in the tent with us.

On one of our trips, we went to sinks canyon (Wyoming) I remember we were up on top of this mountain and my sister and I decided to build a lean-to out of trees, thinking we were going to sleep in it that night. Boy, were we brave.

Seems strange now, I don’t hate the out doors, but I don’t like bugs or dirt. I prefer the electrical accommodations vs sleeping in a tent. I have not taken my kids camping ever. We have only taken one vacation; we went to Florida in 2001. It wasn’t bad, but I remember it being a little stressful. I don’t know why.

The reason my family hasn’t taken a vacation is because honestly we have spent the last 8 years spending our money on hotels for out of town soccer tournaments. We are not poor but not rich and competitive soccer fees and stuff cost money. 

I feel like because of this, I have allowed my kids to some how miss out on some kind of special bonding moments.

The saddest part is that my parents are not even married anymore, they have been divorced a long time now, and my mom is still single. All this should not have any effect on continuing new traditions or trips, but it does.

So now all I have is the memories of how safe and happy I once felt. Some how I messed up being a parent, and I don’t think my kids have had as many happy times/memories as they should. I should have done a better job at giving them those happy safe moments like I had as a child. Don’t get me wrong my kids don’t have a bad life; they certainly have every material thing one could ever want. But it’s not the same. I'm not sure how we got so disfunctional. Possibly cause I have been in 2 bad marriages? Who knows.  I just would like to make it right somehow.

I’m not sure why I decided to write about this today, maybe I'm a little melancholy, since its the holiday time, or maybe just too much freakin Christmas music or maybe just maybe because I feel like I’m responsible for everyone’s happiness?

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