.:[Double Click To][Close]:.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Was this suppose to be My life........................

Sometimes when I get stressed out about "life".  I close my eyes and I picture myself on the beach by the pier and I'm watching the waves roll in.  I can feel the spray of the ocean water on my face. I can smell the salty fresh air.

I lived in California for a short time  when I was younger(5 years) . So I often think back to when I lived there and life was simple.

So this is what I do when I cant take the overwhelming stress of too much multi tasking.

I often think.  This wasnt suppose to be my life. How did I get here? Was I really suppose to be a mom? Was I suppose to be a soccer mom? Was this really suppose to be the job I would end up with? or was I suppose to be someone else? IDK.

Maybe its because my kids are older now or just maybe its because I have been a mom since the age of 21. I have spent most of my life being a parent. Im certainly not resentful that I have been a parent this whole time. I love my kids and they are amazing.

But I wonder sometimes now that they are closer to having their "own" lives, about all the
"What If's. Soon I will have alot of free time on my hands. I'm not sure what I will do with all that "free" time. So it makes me stop and think about life. Where I am now, where I have been, and where am I going. Where do I wanna be?

I am sure these are normal questions for someone my age, right? Sometimes I think I wouldnt change anything. and other times I think that I made alot of wrong choices. I know everyone always says (I even tell my own children) that you learn from your mistakes.

But my life now is the opposite of what I think my life would have been,  had I chose some different paths. I'm not a unhappy person. I actually have a great life and a wonderful family. But that never stops me from wondering "What If".

Gods Plan, I suppose.

But don't you ever wonder "what if"?????????

No comments:

Post a Comment